It seems that there is a different universe inside each of them. There are different forms of Bhanta Bhanta. No question, no madman, but from the very inside we are the same seekers of love, that is, someone slaps you on the shoulder, when you start falling, someone stops you, if you fall, someone raises his hand, sit up without being ridiculed, Help us to walk. Then each one of us is in some kind of war, whether it is a war or not. Some people have been at war with their destiny, with which they were born, but they do not agree with it.

DAN SLATER JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2013 ISSUE after going to college on the East Coast and spending a few years bouncing around, Jacob moved back to his native Oregon, settling in Portland. Almost immediately, he was surprised by the difficulty he had meeting women. Having lived in New York and the Boston area, he was accustomed to ready-made social scenes. In Portland, by contrast, most of his friends were in long-term relationships with people they’d met in college, and were contemplating marriage. Jacob was single for two years and then, at 26, began dating a slightly older woman who soon moved in with him. She seemed independent and low-maintenance, important traits for Jacob. Past girlfriends had complained about his lifestyle, which emphasized watching sports and going to concerts and bars. He’d been called lazy, aimless, and irresponsible with money. Before long, his new relationship fell into that familiar pattern. “I’ve never been able to make a girl feel like she was the most important thing in my life,” he says. “It’s always ‘I wish I was as important as the basketball game or the concert.’ ” An only child, Jacob tended to make plans by negotiation: if his girlfriend would watch the game with him, he’d go hiking with her. He was passive in their arguments, hoping to avoid confrontation. Whatever the flaws in their relationship, he told himself, being with her was better than being single in Portland again.